Cinderella in crisis.

What the hell am I doing? Do I even know what love is? I have been in love with the same boy for a while now. I don't know how I grew to love this guy so much, but no matter what I do he is in the back of my head. Some say it is infatuation... I don't believe so. That would be crazy. I think it is that I truly love him. It makes me sick to love him, and I wish I could change it. But I can't. I like to believe in soul mates.. Is he mine? He must be. Otherwise, I wouldn't go crazy when I hear his name. I feel like the world is against us at times. We have been through so much, and have led different lives. At the end of the day though, he is what I want. I love seeing him, even when I hate him the most. Many great men have tried to get me away from him, and failed. Or they do get me away from him for a while, but I always go back. Do I like self inflicted torture? Do I go on and pretend that one day we will be perfect, just like Cinderella and Prince Charming. I guess that is how I can explain us. I am the lowly Cinderella, and he is Prince Charming (well, kind of anyways.) He is incredible. He has the power to build me up higher than I could ever care to go... Although he also has the power to destroy me, and he can do that with his pinky finger. I find myself at a crossroad.. Do I put everything on the line for him? Deep down I feel like we will end up together... So do I waste my time dating other people? Or do I wait for him to come around? There is no easy answer, and God I wish there was. Is love always this confusing? I don't get it. I guess I just wait.. I just wait and maybe the time will come when I know in my heart what my future holds.. It will either include him, or not.. It is that simple... I hate the dumb fuck, I hate him so much that my feelings backfire constantly and then I find myself loving him more.. I miss the days in middle school when relationships were so easy! "Will you go out with me? I love you." That simple, sweet and innocent. Why can't I go back to those times? Would my life be better if I had never reconnected with this man who owns my heart? The answer is yes. HOWEVER- If we end up together, I feel like all of this torture will be worth it. God, give me an answer. Tonka, I hate you.